Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
