he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize