Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
This is not my ceiling
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
