Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
