oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
