u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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