WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
