woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize