Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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