i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
