Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
