Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
