the condom got lost in my hair
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
