You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
