I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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