He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
