Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
