It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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