Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
