Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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