This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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