That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
