i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize