so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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