Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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