dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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