she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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