wakey wakey hands off snakey
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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