My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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