Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
