So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
