so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize