im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
