I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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