Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
