my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
