I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
