Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
