I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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