just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
