You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
