I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
