haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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