The maid of honor just puked.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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