it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
