Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
