you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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