i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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