Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
