I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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