ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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