Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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