it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Panties = found
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
