I'm gonna have a badass scar
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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