I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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