and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
