nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
