Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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