He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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