Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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