Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Randomize
