you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
