Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
These tits shall not be calmed
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
