the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
