Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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