Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
