Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
