I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
