Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
