i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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