Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We got so high we made milksteak
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
