I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
