Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Everything about him screamed your future.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize