Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
