Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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